From Feeling Abandoned as a Parent to Family Connection. Skill: Relinquishing Control

Background:
I always envisioned family trips to the beach where my partner would join in on the fun—digging deep holes in the sand for our kids to play in, just like I imagined every dad would do. I had built up this image in my head and was disappointed when my partner showed little interest in spending long days at the beach. It wasn’t just about the beach, though. I often felt abandoned when it came to parenting, and unknowingly, my expectations turned into demands, manipulative comments, or guilt trips.

Despite my best efforts to "encourage" my partner to join us, my desires often came across as guilt trips or subtle demands, leaving me feeling frustrated and resentful. Why didn’t they want to join us? Why couldn’t they see that spending time together as a family was important?

The Shift:
It wasn’t until I started practicing the skill of Relinquishing Control that everything changed. I realized that my expectations were bringing an energy of control—something my partner could sense a mile away, and they naturally wanted nothing to do with it. I also realized I was placing my happiness in their hands. That’s when I decided to step back, relinquish control, and ask myself: Do I want to do this with the kids? The answer was yes—so off we went! This clarity was incredibly liberating.

Instead of pushing my partner to participate, I stayed on my own paper and did what I wanted for myself and the kids. I love the beach, and it was crazy that I was holding back just because they didn’t want to come. So, I started digging those big holes in the sand myself, just like I had envisioned. I went back to enjoying myself in one of my favorite environments. As I let go of the resentment and focused on enjoying the moment with my children, we came home from the beach feeling happy and fulfilled. I was fully present with my kids, and we were so connected. I felt so happy!

The Results:
By relinquishing control and letting go of expectations, everything shifted. My partner wasn’t met with guilt or pressure to join us; instead, they were met with our excitement and joy as we shared our stories. They naturally became more drawn to us and, without any prompting, started joining us more often on our outings. The joy and fun I shared with the kids became so magnetic that it naturally pulled them in.

Now, our weekends are full of family adventures—whether my partner chooses to come along or not, I feel empowered knowing the decision is entirely mine. I’ve become the fun, connected parent I always wanted to be, and as a result, I’ve become a happier and more magnetic partner. By letting go of control, I made space to receive the very thing I had desired in the first place—a family dynamic filled with joy and connection, with both parents joining in on the adventure (most of the time 😉).

Key Takeaways:

• Relinquishing Control opens up space for connection to flow naturally in relationships, without pressure or resentment.

• By focusing on my own desires and actions, I became more present and empowered in my role as a parent and partner.

• Letting go of expectations of my partner gave him space to make decisions without fear of my response. When he felt free and respected, he naturally wanted to join us.

• The irony (that I see over and over again) is that I got what I wanted when I actually let go.