5 Steps to Reignite Intimacy When Your Relationship Feels Off
Relationships are a journey, not a destination. Even the strongest couples face challenges that test their connection. Recently, I found myself revisiting old patterns and doubts, despite all the tools and skills I’ve cultivated over the years. But that experience gave me a valuable reminder: no matter how far we’ve come, we all need support sometimes.
Here are the lessons I learned about rebuilding connection when challenges arise:
1. Recognize the Early Signs of Disconnection
It’s easy to focus on the symptoms when things feel off in a relationship. Maybe your partner seems distant, or those small gestures of affection, like kisses when they get home, start to fade. Instead of dwelling on what’s missing, look deeper. These signs often point to a shift in mindset or energy that can be addressed.
For me, I realized I had let fear and doubt creep into how I viewed my partner. Instead of seeing him as the capable, strong partner I’d started to admire, I started questioning his ability to handle challenges. This shift in my perception had a ripple effect, creating more distance between us.
2. Change Your Focus to Change Your Energy
When I reached out to my coach, I was reminded of a powerful truth: where we focus our energy, we create results. If we focus on our partner’s faults, we’ll find endless evidence to confirm them. But when we intentionally look for their strengths, the opposite is true.
I was challenged to flip my most critical thought about my partner into something positive and then actively look for evidence to support that new belief. Almost immediately, I found it. This small shift had an incredible impact—not just on how I saw my partner, but on how I showed up in our relationship.
3. Gratitude Is More Than a List
Gratitude isn’t just about writing down what you’re thankful for. It’s about choosing to focus on the positives and expressing them authentically. When I shifted my mindset to gratitude, I started to notice all the ways my partner was showing up for me and our family.
When I shared these observations with him—both through my words and energy—our connection began to return. It reminded me that expressing appreciation isn’t just about making your partner feel good; it’s about strengthening your bond and creating a culture of trust and respect.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Even as a relationship coach, I know the value of seeking support. When I felt stuck, I turned to my coach to uncover my blind spots. Sometimes, knowing what to do isn’t enough—you need someone to help you see the patterns you might be missing.
Getting the right support allowed me to reset my focus and make a plan. It reminded me that no matter how experienced we are, we all need a community and guidance to stay on track.
5. Build Your Rope of Faith, Not Fear
During my coaching session, I had a crazy but vivid analogy come to mind. I felt like I was an orangutan, and I was swinging on a rope that was getting narrower and narrower, like when you climb a tree and you get to the edge where you know it's going to break. Instead of leaning into my faith that he's got this, instead of weaving new fibers into my rope so that I can swing around on this faith rope without worrying about it snapping, I jumped off that rope onto my old rope, the which I don’t enjoy swinging on, but one that felt safe and familiar. I left the rope of faith and jumped back on the old rope of fear.
Small Shifts Create Big Results
What stood out most in this experience was how quickly things started to change when I adjusted my focus. That same evening, my partner put his arm around me at a local fair, and we shared a laugh watching our boys play. These moments reminded me that connection doesn’t have to be complicated—it starts with small, intentional actions.
Your Next Steps
If you’re feeling disconnected or stuck in your relationship, know that you’re not alone. The worst thing you can do is dwell on what’s not working or complain to friends who might unintentionally reinforce negativity. Instead, seek out a supportive community or a coach who can help you uncover your blind spots and make a plan to move forward.
For me, having a network of women who understood the six intimacy skills made all the difference. It’s why I’ve built my programs around the same principles—offering women the tools, guidance, and accountability to transform their relationships.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If this resonates with you, I’d love to help. Whether it’s through my free events, Love Unlocked, or private sessions, there’s a space for you to start creating the relationship you want. You don’t have to do it alone.