Are You a Swimmer Who Doesn’t Swim?
Hello again! Here we are talking about Self Car again…what is becoming my favourite topic because I can see how influential it is to relationship success.
Today I'm thrilled to share some personal stories and insights on how to truly integrate self care into our busy lives. We’ll dive into the importance of self care, share some relatable experiences, and explore practical tips to ensure we prioritize our well-being every day.
The Disconnect Between Identity and Action
Recently, during one of my workshops, a woman said something that cracked me up. She told me, "I'm a swimmer who doesn't swim." This statement was so funny and relatable because it reminded me of a similar realization I had about myself.
I used to think of myself as a yogi, a meditator, a runner—basically, someone who had self care all figured out. I prided myself on being healthy and outdoorsy. But then, I took a hard look at my behavior over the last few weeks and realized something shocking: I hadn't meditated, done yoga, or gone for a run in ages. There was a complete disconnect between the woman I identified as and the woman I was actually showing up as.
True Self Care
Self care is not just about the labels we give ourselves but about making those things that make us happy and whole a tangible part of our daily lives. It's about writing down those activities that define who you want to be, who you used to be, or who you are at your best moments.
For me, self care goes out the window without a plan. So, I make a point to schedule it in advance. I aim for three things a day, and sometimes I schedule even more in case some don't happen. By doing this, I'm far more likely to follow through. It's about being intentional and making self care a priority, rather than an afterthought.
The Common Scenario
Back to our swimmer friend from the workshop—she kept buying goggles, accumulating about fifteen pairs, but never actually went for a swim. This is such a common scenario, isn't it? We have all the gear, all the good intentions, but we don't follow through. The key is to schedule the time and make self care a priority.
When we neglect self care, we become more likely to find our partners and the people around us irritating. We get defensive and reactive. But when our self care is good, we show up in a more peaceful, balanced state. This makes all the difference, not only in how we feel but also in our ability to implement the rest of the intimacy skills.
Personal Stories of Self Care
Let me share a personal story about how low self care can dull even the most magical moments. Last year, I expressed a desire to live in Costa Rica. We ended up choosing Europe instead, but weeks later, my partner suggested we take a three-week holiday in Costa Rica on the way! Deep down, I felt overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude, but my self care was so low that I couldn't bring myself to express any of it. It felt like my happiness was hijacked, on hold until my self care could catch up.
I was researching stunning places to visit, but my energy remained flat, as if I was planning my work week. Low self care meant I missed a big opportunity to show my partner how ridiculously happy he was making me. I just wasn’t in the mood to share it! This experience taught me how vital it is to keep my self care in check to fully appreciate and express joy in these magical moments.
Another story that highlights the importance of self care happened on a long, rainy day with the kids inside, making me feel like a crazy person. I was in reaction mode all day and feeling pretty overwhelmed during dinner, bath, and bedtime. Desperate to sit down on the couch with a cup of tea, I came out from the kids' rooms to find Andrew doing the dishes.
Instead of saying “thank you,” I analyzed his process and actually asked him, “What is your system here?” I was so tired and desperate for us to connect that I couldn't recognize his effort and felt the urge to correct his inefficient way of doing the dishes. In hindsight, I see that self care is the antidote for those kinds of comments—and even thoughts! If I had been filled up and on my paper, I wouldn't have cared about his dishwashing method. My focus would have been on receiving his gesture, sharing gratitude, and tending to my own needs. This story reminds me how essential self care is to maintaining gratitude and connection in our relationships.
One more story about the impact of self care involves my dive into coursework. I was happy but not balanced, filling every gap with calls or study. Suddenly, I got sick for 12 hours and was couch-bound. I had to call a friend to come and feed my kids! I realized that self care is about tending to all parts of ourselves - including our health. Sitting in front of a screen and filling every second with this work was fun but it wasn’t good for my body. This was a stark contrast to another time in my life when my routine included high-intensity exercises, like running up some steep stairs with a friend and going to the gym. I know for me that higher-intensity exercises need to be a part of my self care routine to maintain balance and wellness. So it’s really important to think about self care from different perspectives.
Practical Tips for Self Care
So, how do we make it happen? Here are some practical tips:
Make a List: Write down the activities that make you happy and feel like yourself. This could be yoga, meditation, running, reading, or anything else that brings you joy.
Schedule It: Put these activities in your calendar just like you would any other important appointment. Aim for at least three self care activities a day.
Be Flexible: Life happens, and sometimes things don't go as planned. Schedule a few extra self care activities to account for this.
Reflect and Adjust: Regularly review your self care routine. What's working? What needs to change? Adjust as necessary to keep it effective and enjoyable.
Create a Quickie List: Have a list of quick self care activities for those busy days. This could include a five-minute meditation, a quick walk around the block, listening to your favorite song, or a brief stretching routine. Having these quick options ensures you can still fit in some self care, no matter how hectic your day gets.
Remember, self care isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. By making it a priority and scheduling it into our daily lives, we can show up as the most aligned and happy versions of ourselves. This, in turn, positively impacts our relationships and overall well-being.
Conclusion
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this blog post, you might love the podcast episode on this very topic, where I dive into even more stories and examples—some of which are quite funny! Tune in to hear about my experiences and how staying on my own paper has transformed my relationship.
If you want to start learning more about self care and the other 6 intimacy skills so that you can create a more vibrant, connected, and loving relationship, check out The Empowered Wife Workshop. Become an expert in The 6 Intimacy Skills™ and experience the powerful influence you have as the woman in your relationship.
Until next time, take care and keep prioritizing your happiness!