Femininity vs Feminism

Lately, I've found myself deep in thought about feminism and femininity, a reflection that has significantly altered my perception of strength, receptivity, and the dynamics of relationships.

As a self-identified feminist, independence was not just a trait but a symbol of success for me. I was the woman who would insist on carrying the heaviest box, sometimes adding another on top, just to showcase my capability. However, my perspective has evolved. I now recognize the immense strength required to embrace my femininity, particularly in what I would describe as its essence - the art of receiving.

This journey of realization has led me to reflect on the women of the past, particularly those who fought for the right to wear pants during the women's rights movement but chose to wear skirts out of preference. Their choice poses a powerful question: Did opting for skirts diminish their feminist stance or power? These women, in their choice, demonstrated the profound strength and inner confidence required to embrace femininity on their own terms, fully aware of their power without the need to prove it overtly. Initially inspired by those who donned pants as a symbol of equality, my admiration has shifted towards these wise souls who chose femininity, understanding its intrinsic power and significance.

WHEN TO BE FEMININE

I've come to understand that each of us embodies both masculine and feminine traits, playing out in every interaction. In our professional lives, embodying our masculine side—showcasing leadership, strength, and determination—can be incredibly empowering and lead to great success. Yet, I found myself at a crossroads within my relationship(s), realizing that constantly leading wasn't fulfilling my deeper desires. I wanted to feel cared for, to let my partner lead, to experience love in its more traditional form— feeling cherished, adored, and like my man just wanted to make me happy.

This realization sparked a big shift for me. I recognized my subconscious efforts to achieve intimacy and connection were through a masculine approach—direct demands, unsolicited advice, and taking charge. To cultivate a deep connection, I needed to embrace my femininity: to open up, to surrender control, to be radiant and, most crucially, to master the art of receptivity.

A conversation with a client resonated deeply with me: “It seems to be all the strong women who have relationship problems. It seems like men can’t handle strong women.” I agreed! I was a strong woman and I had relationship problems.

Since experimenting with The 6 Intimacy Skills™, I think I have found a key distinction. Embracing my masculine traits in the professional realm did not impede intimacy, but introducing them into my relationship dynamics did. Instead, fostering my femininity within the relationship—allowing myself to be confident yet receptive—transformed our dynamic. I learned to appreciate the balance: letting my partner take the lead, enjoying the journey from the passenger seat, and listening more than I spoke when it came to things on his paper.

This shift was not without internal conflict. My inner ‘feminist’ would say “But YOU CAN carry it”, “YOU ARE a good driver”, “it would be better for him IF HE did it like this”. It is so natural for me to assert my masculine qualities (control) yet I realized the importance of choosing which energy to embody and when. The masculine vs masculine energy war we were in was eroding my vision. Retreating into my feminine was the key to rejuvenating the intimacy and connection in my relationship. Embracing femininity has not only drawn us closer but also reignited a mutual attraction and desire, proving that like positive and negative currents, masculine and feminine energies are naturally drawn to each other.

FEMININITY AND FRIENDSHIP

As I said above, the essence of femininity is receptivity. I want to share an unforgettable lesson I had in the art of receiving — and its gift to the giver.

One day a sudden migraine left me couch-bound, with two children as dinner time approached. Cooking seemed impossible and traditionally I would find a way to push through, but on this day, I chose to embrace my femininity and reach out for help. I called a friend and asked for the not-so-small favor of making dinner for my kids. It was a request made from a place of vulnerability. I felt so much discomfort. Was it too much to ask? Would she be annoyed?

However, the moment my friend arrived, all my fear dissolved. She didn't just bring dinner; she brought options, each carefully prepared and labeled. She seemed proud to present everything. She seemed happy to have been able to assist. I could see that in being vulnerable and receiving her help, I was also giving her a gift. It was so connecting!! Through this experience, I learned a profound lesson: receiving a gift and giving a gift are of equal value. That in acts of genuine kindness, the pleasure of giving can equal, if not surpass, the pleasure of receiving.

This encounter reinforced the notion that vulnerability and receptivity are not merely acts of surrender but powerful invitations for connection, fostering relationships where both giving and receiving are celebrated as mutual expressions of love and support.

SAYING “NO THANKS”

The profound lesson of giving and receiving came full circle during an encounter at the swimming pool. Observing a man struggling to manage a young baby and a distressed toddler, my empathy kicked in and I wanted to help. I offered to hold the baby so he could comfort his toddler. However, his response was a polite but firm "no, I've got this." This rejection, though gentle, left me feeling unexpectedly dejected. My genuine desire to assist was turned away, and I was left to watch him continue to struggle. I really WANTED to help and I felt disappointed he wouldn’t let me. Did he not trust me?

This experience shed light on what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a refusal. For so long, it had been me asserting my independence, declining offers of help with a "no thanks, I can manage." Standing there at the pool, I was confronted with the impact of such rejections—not just the missed opportunity for assistance, but the subtle message it sends about the value of the offer and the willingness of the giver.

Reflecting on this moment, I recognized the importance of being open to receiving help, not only for the practical benefits it brings but more importantly for the deeper connection it fosters.

FINDING OPPORTUNITIES TO RECEIVE

With a newfound appreciation for the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies and the depth of connection they foster, I went on a mission to look for opportunities to embrace receptivity wherever I could in my relationship. However, this proved to be a significant challenge to my ingrained desire for control. It meant resisting the urge to ask my partner if he remembered to pack the kids drink bottles , accepting the bed being made not quite to my standard, and expressing gratitude for the dishes done, overlooking those left on the bench. This was a deliberate choice of valuing intimacy over control, acknowledging that the perfection of household tasks was secondary to what I really wanted - warmth and closeness.

Embracing this shift was about more than just letting go; it was about consciously prioritizing intimacy, recognizing its paramount importance over every perfectly washed plate or neatly tucked bedsheet. Although the option to choose control was always there, I had come to understand that it came at the expense of intimacy. You simply cannot have both. By actively seeking opportunities to receive—and importantly, to thank my partner for his contributions rather than point out what was lacking—I noticed a profound increase in mutual respect. This respect, in turn, amplified the attraction between us. I saw a direct correlation between receptivity, respect, and desire within our relationship.

THE CHERRY ON TOP: FEMININITY AND PHYSICAL INTIMACY

In the past, the frequency and passion of sex served as my barometer for the health and success of my relationship. A lull in physical intimacy would send me spiraling into worries about my partner's attraction to me, prompting me to compensate by leaning heavily into my masculine energy to initiate sex so that I could prove that everything was ok.

Yet, in my masculine, my focus was centered entirely on his reactions rather than my own desires and feelings. This disconnect from my feminine essence blocked me from receiving pleasure, often inhibiting my ability to climax.

The realization that embracing my femininity could improve our physical connection led me to shift my approach. Instead of initiating from a place of masculine energy, I focused on cultivating respect and gratitude within the relationship. It worked. The more respect and appreciation I showed for my partner, the more attractive he seemed to me AND the more attractive I seemed to him. When I was more respectful, he was more eager to please - both in everyday tasks and within our intimate moments.

This was another powerful lesson: intimacy thrives not on the mechanics of sex alone but on the deeper connection of our masculine and feminine energies. By choosing to step back and receive, I attracted a more fulfilling, dynamic, and passionate connection. And it physically felt better!!! (I know right!?).

So! If you’ve got this far, you’ll know that my exploration of femininity has been a profound journey. Truly revealing the strength in vulnerability and the significance of receptivity.

Embracing femininity, particularly the art of receiving, relinquishing control, and understanding the delicate balance between masculine and feminine energies has been transformative - especially in my relationship. This exploration has taught me that true connection comes not from proving our independence but from opening ourselves to the love of others.

There is so much more to write on this topic but I hope this has given you some food for thought.
If you would like to say YES to embracing a more feminine approach, check out The Empowered Wife Workshop. A four week LIVE training where you’ll become an expert in The 6 Intimacy Skills™ and experience the powerful influence you have as the woman in your relationship.

For more on femininity within relationships, check out Laura’s Blog: How to Be Feminine and 10x More Attractive

Love,
Kayla