The Skill That Could Turn Everything Around Even If You Did Nothing Else
The Skill That Could Turn Everything Around Even If You Did Nothing Else
When you hear the term "self-care," you might roll your eyes, picturing bubble baths and scented candles. But today, I want to talk about self-care as the foundation of a healthy, thriving relationship. It’s not just a trendy buzzword—it's a crucial practice that can change everything.
My Self-Care Awakening
I wasn’t always a believer in self-care. In fact, when I first read about it in The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle, I rolled my eyes. I was tired of hearing about self-care and wanted to focus on solving my relationship problems. But as I dug deeper, I realized that neglecting self-care was the root of many of my issues.
For a long time, I believed it was my partner’s job to make me happy. If I wasn’t happy, I blamed him. This mindset led to resentment, especially when he took time for himself. I remember being furious when he announced he was going for a run after work, leaving me to cook dinner and take care of the kids. I felt exhausted, unsupported, and overwhelmed.
The Breakthrough Moment
One day, after a particularly stressful day, I found myself reaching for the mop instead of doing something enjoyable. My partner noticed and said, “Don’t make your day more stressful. Go do something for yourself.” It hit me like a ton of bricks—I was using cleaning as a way to cope with feeling out of control, just like I had done since childhood. This was my wake-up call. I realized I had completely lost touch with what made me happy.
I knew something had to change. I decided to prioritize self-care, starting with small, intentional actions. I made a list of things that genuinely made me happy and began incorporating them into my daily routine.
The Hardest Part
Getting started with self-care wasn’t easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I had lost touch with what made me happy, and it felt easier to stick to my old habits of cleaning or running errands. But I pushed through, driven by the desire to bring joy back into my life and my relationship.
As I prioritized self-care, I noticed a shift. I was happier, more fun, and our relationship improved. The more I invested in my happiness, the better everything around me became. It was clear—self-care needed to be my number one priority.
The Impact on My Relationship
With a solid self-care practice, I was finally able to show up in my relationship as the best version of myself. I became more respectful, less controlling, and more grateful. Communication improved, and the connection between us deepened.
I also learned to recognize the signs of low self-care—when everything my partner did annoyed me, or when I felt overwhelmed by small tasks. These were red flags signaling that I needed to focus on myself. By prioritizing self-care, I became more resilient, less irritable, and more present in my relationship.
The Benefits of Self-Care
Taking self-care seriously brought countless benefits to my relationship:
Happiness and Fun: I became happier and more fun to be around, which naturally attracted my partner.
Respect and Boundaries: Focusing on my happiness stopped me from drifting into controlling or critical behavior.
Better Communication: I was less irritable and more open, which improved our communication and reduced conflicts.
Self-Awareness: I learned to recognize when I needed self-care to avoid spiraling into negativity.
Conclusion
Self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s essential. It’s about taking responsibility for your happiness and showing up as your best self in your relationship. If you’re struggling with connection and intimacy, or if you’re feeling overwhelmed by daily life, I encourage you to make self-care a priority.
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation of a happy, healthy relationship.